Auld Lang Syne

Dear Besties, People I Tolerate, and Those Who Stalk Me on Facebook,

Happy New Year from the Feral Ferriell family.  In case you have been wondering what we’ve been up to this year (and let’s be honest, who doesn’t want a list of noteworthy accomplishments from a person they speak to two times and a birthday post a year) here is the shake-down:

2012 came in like a lion and ended like a lamb.  

 In other words, after the bitch-slap that was 2011, 2012 wasn’t that bad.

The most talked about point in Megan’s year was her purchase of a television that has never heard of Y2K.  As such, she spent much of her time studying the nuances of modern culture.  If anyone can tell her how the Kartrashians get six seasons of air-time and multiple spin-off shows, but “Arrested Development” only has a measly three, that’d be swell.  Thanks to television, Megan now understands 63% more of what her peers are talking about, but after discovering “Happy Days” on Apple TV, we are nearing square one, again.  (FYI: The phrase “sit on it” will get you into some trouble in the not-1970s.)

In quadruped-related news, a week after moving into the new house¹ that Megan bought, Ruby sacrificed a squirrel in protest of Freddie Mac’s robo-signing stipulations.  Quickly, Ruby regretted her decision and disposed of the evidence by burying the body under the deck.  In June.  In the middle of the heat wave.  Megan isn’t sure what is more distressing: realizing that you have a large, very dead rodent under your deck and your father isn’t answering his phone, or that it was killed by your something that sleeps on your bed.  Either way, Ruby realized the time isn’t worth the crime, as she now finds herself on a shorter leash when outdoors (literally and metaphorically).

In the fall, Ruby and Megan welcomed a new bundle of joy into their lives, a terrier mix named Francie.  They adopted her in front of a Batteries Plus! near the interstate.  Francie certainly has been busy since her arrival.  Not only can she jump on a counter to eat a chocolate Advent calendar and a loaf of cinnamon bread while one is in the shower, but she can do so without barfing up the remains later.

Though it may not sound as such, this year was not all near-misses for Megan and Cast.  This summer, Megan joined her family for a trip to Eastern Maine.  Highlights included she and her brother joining forces to talk their father out of hurling rocks at the Bush compound in Kennebunkport, while their mother photographed every stone along the Eastern seaboard.  Megan’s main goal in the trip, to casually run into Stephen King, did not occur, but the family ate in a restaurant the owner claimed was used in a Stevie movie.  It is almost a story².

From our family to yours, we wish you better luck than David Petraeus had in 2012.  We hope that you never hear the “Attendant has been notified” alert while using self check-out scanners, that you always get carded when buying booze, and that Time Warner Cable forgets to come claim their promotional DVR box from your home.  

Happy New Year,

Megan

PS: Resolution for 2013?  As of now, purchasing this water bottle:

1.   At the time this letter went to press, the home is still standing.  However, Megan likes to play her own version of Homeowner’s Russian Roulette by leaving candles burning and then going to Target.

2.  And Megan almost didn’t throw up while watching her family crack open lobsters during a meal and have to go sit out in the car.