Or otherwise entitled “The Nordstrom Situation”
Kids, when I met your Aunt Andrea during the summer of 2009, I had no idea she’d become one of the most important people in my life. Our mutual friend, Jessica, introduced us, and thanks to Andrea’s reliance on the mockery trifecta of one line zingers, well-placed eye rolls and biting sarcasm, the foundations for our friendship were laid. Two butt-dials later (one per side...of the phone (pervs)) we cemented it. Clearly, the universe was trying to tell us we were made for each other.
From the beginning, Andrea and I have given each other the full frontal truth whether or not the other wants to hear it. (I could insert an “cheek to cheek" joke here, but I’ll spare you all.)
For instance, when Aunt Andrea was set up on a blind date with a co-worker of mine, I told her (after only a few weeks of friendship) that he was “kind of a jerk.” She still asked me to be in her wedding when she married the guy, two and a half years and a change of opinion later.
When I was acting like the biggest pain toward my oldest BFF, Andrea called me on it. Though this wasn’t easy to stomach this at the time (pride, and all), she was right, and I’m grateful she gave me the swift kick I needed to get my act together. In short, the unstated rule in our friendship is “I care about you too much to let you go through life acting like a jackass."
Enter the “Nordstrom Situation”.
Back in November of 2011, the following picture circulated itself around the internet:
As a Christmas purist, Andrea posted this on her Facebook wall as a show of solidarity to the holiday. I unearthed said picture on her wall during one of my internet marathons of nothingness and immediately called her.
“WHEN did you go to Nordstrom without ME!?”
Andrea replied with “Whoa. Someone texted me the picture, and I posted it. I didn’t go to Nordstrom without you. Tone down the crazy.”
Kids, let me back up. Nordstrom and I began our love affair back in college, when my oldest BFF introduced me to the glories of that store: awesome shoes and accessories, superior customer service and...Nordstrom Cafe, the home of the best Tomato Bisque soup on the planet (only available on Saturdays in certain locations!) The closest Nordstrom to my house is over an hour away, so getting to one is a production. And I never pass up an opportunity to go (especially on a Saturday! Soup!)
However, due to my affinity for the above (shoes, service and...soup) and our honesty policy, I knew a line had to be drawn.
“Andrea, if you ever go to Nordstrom without me, barring the fact that someone drags you there without your prior knowledge of it being a shopping stop, or you are dying and only the sweet melodies of the piano player in the lobby will save your soul, consider our friendship over.”
Andrea accepted this fate and pledged to never enter Nordstrom’s hallowed halls without me. If she ever did, we’d have a “Nordstrom Situation” on our hands.
Nord - strom Sit - u - a - tion: an act that effectively terminates a friendship. See SYN: a deal-breaker.
And thus, the Nordstrom Situation was born.
Kids, over time, your Aunt Andrea and I have defined other “Nordstrom Situations” in our relationship. We decided that if I ever go “Marshalling” (aka: shopping at Marshall’s) without her, it is a Nordstrom Situation. I said that if she ever feathered her hair or started rocking acid wash jeans, she should consider herself in a Nordstrom Situation. She said if I forgot to give her the tomato off of my side salad at our favorite Italian restaurant, or told them to “keep it”, we’ve got a Nordstrom Situation on our hands. I added that if she ever hung out with John Mayer without me, Nordstrom Situationed. (Okay, so maybe that last one isn’t realistic. But, I like to think that one of my friends might actually hang out with John Mayer enough for me to get mad about it.)
In my opinion, it is good that our friendship grounds itself in truth and openness. One has to have standards, after all.
PS: It is summer break and I’ve almost watched two complete seasons of “How I Met Your Mother” in a week. Everywhere I go now, I imagine my life being narrated by Bob Saget. Score?
PPS: The position of “Nordstrom Situation Commissioner” is available. It might come with slapping privileges.
Oh, and by the way, I know some of you are thinking that Nordy’s isn’t that great, but the closest Neiman Marcus is in Chicago. That’s a five hour car ride away, so it is pretty much all we have. And, need I remind you about the soup!
